Tue, 30 Apr 2024 13:55:29 -0700WeeblyWed, 26 Apr 2023 16:10:09 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/appreciating-others​One of my favorite aspects of my career has been meeting people with a variety of “disabilities.” In my role as an employment coach, I get to know them and be involved in helping them prepare for and succeed in meaningful and successful employment.
 
I know that their challenges are real, and are apparent not only to them, but also to those who live with them and work with them. However, all too often their abilities go unnoticed or under-appreciated, and their contributions to society may be less than they could be if we would do more to assist and encourage them.
 
April is Autism Awareness Month! But it isn’t enough to simply be more aware. Instead, we also need to appreciate, accept, and accommodate. We can take time to listen as they discuss their interests and ideas. We can write a note or create a poster or a scrapbook congratulating them on an achievement, big or small, or letting them know we love them. We can find a way for them to use their time and gifts in meaningful ways. We can help them learn more about themselves in an effort to develop a healthy self-esteem and self-awareness, and to better identify where and how they can connect in meaningful ways with others. And while we’re at it, we can affirm and support –and learn from--those who are involved in their lives as parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers, therapists, employers, and friends.
 
You may have noticed that I no longer send weekly blog posts. I know you likely have full inboxes, and I value your time and other pursuits. I have been busy with coaching and with foster care, and no longer have the time to send weekly updates. However, I do try to post more often to our Social Incites Facebook page and my devotional page, Pocket Perke. I hope you’ll connect with me in one or both places!
 
To all of you, thank you for enriching my life in so many ways!
 
Laurel Hoekman
Social Incites, LLC
]]>Mon, 27 Apr 2020 00:36:30 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/embracing-chaosAre you well-acquainted with chaos? Most people are, especially now, as our world deals with the coronavirus and accompanying “social distancing” and stay-at-home orders. Active bodies create excitement and commotion and demand attention. Unexpected changes or dilemmas require quick thinking and creative problem-solving skills. Noise and distractions are commonplace. Chaos can be aggravating, or even frightening. But I think it also provides a valuable service!
 
In the past, I’ve seen a quote, "Chaos pushes us to come to new solutions for old problems." Have you experienced this? Often, it's when we're overwhelmed by activity and frustration, or unexpected changes to our routines, that we vow to try something new to lessen the stress and confusion. Many of us are experiencing this as we figure out how to connect with loved ones, how to do schooling online, and how to get along and share space with family members for longer periods of time than usual. This is when our creativity is pushed to new heights! This is directly related to the old adage, "Necessity is the mother of invention!"
 
A second related quote is this, "Chaos in our lives teaches us how flexible we can be." There's little need for flexibility when schedules are running smoothly, projects are competed in a timely manner, and plans proceed without interruption. Yet this type of "utopia" rarely exists in our lives today, especially when life changes on a daily basis, it is difficult to purchase basic necessities like toilet paper, and many people are out of jobs, wondering how to pay the bills, and having to wear masks when they go out in public.
 
Most parents of young children can testify to the presence of chaos as soon as they make or receive a phone call and attempt (but frequently fail) to hold an intelligent, coherent conversation with another person. Often chaos reigns at those times, as well as first thing in the morning when everyone is trying to get to their daily obligations (work, school, appointments), and at the end of the day, when supper is being prepared, homework needs to be done, and kids and parents are tired and testy. Chaos may be apparent during transitions, when families attempt to go on outings, or during stressful times such as illness, the addition (or loss) of a family member, or ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­the learning of a new skill such as toilet-training or riding a bike. Chaos may also be a factor in the classroom or workplace with a change in schedule (or personnel), a fire drill or other loud noise, a field trip or other outing, or a change in expectations.
 
When chaos appears to be solidly in control of our lives, it's sometimes difficult to remember that we have choices! When I give a presentation on my Social Response Pyramid™, I like to use the quote, "Sometimes we're too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet!" In other words, we can get so busy reacting to chaos in our environment that we forget to determine and address the source of the problem!
 
Perhaps the best way to do this is to take a step back (literally and/or figuratively), and examine the following:
1. What is happening, and why? (What do I know or think, and how do I feel? What do others know, think, or feel?)
2. What is my goal? (Where am I headed? What would I like to achieve?)
3. What strategies do I have to achieve my goal (or what more do I need to know or learn to get there?)
4. Choose a strategy that's most likely to bring success, and give it a try.
5. Go back and assess the outcome--did I achieve what I hoped to achieve? What was the effect on me and on others around me? I may need to restart this process and try a new strategy in order to be successful!
 
This is essentially how the Social Response Pyramid(TM) works. The basic premise of this tool is that through creative brainstorming and a commitment to trying something new or different, a person can move at least one step beyond where he or she is currently "stuck."
 
Here's one more quote about chaos: "Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth” (Tom Barrett).
 
Wishing all of you the opportunity to grow and learn from the chaos in your lives, not only surviving, but thriving!]]>Tue, 07 Apr 2020 03:17:13 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/awareness-monthApril is Autism Awareness Month. It is also child abuse awareness month. Both are important, and there are a variety of resources available to enable us to focus our attention on them, to build empathy, and bring about helpful change.

There are many web sites which compile information about a variety of awareness days each month (click to see one such web site here). In April, at least in the United States, we apparently commemorate siblings, grilled cheese sandwiches, jelly beans, and chocolate truffles, to name a few!

I would argue that for almost everyone taking the time to read this, April has truly become AWARENESS MONTH. I’m guessing that like me, you are suddenly more aware of everything—your health, finances, loved ones, work (or lack thereof), housing, schooling, food, stability, coronavirus, social distancing, etc. Anything we might have taken for granted as little as a month ago is suddenly on our radar, either because it has been taken from us, or because we are now spending much more time doing it or thinking about it.

It is sobering to realize that in many ways, we are all in the same boat. Yet each of us is experiencing this somewhat differently. My heart goes out to those of you who have experienced significant losses, and those who are on the front lines battling the coronavirus or the many casualties of it (human life, health, employment, financial stability, etc.) Many of you are suddenly homeschooling children, including those with disabilities, sometimes while trying to continue to do your job. There are those who are experiencing job loss, loneliness, illness, or fear.

Please know that I am aware of you! I pray for you! We will get through this. We will be changed. But we are in this together. Please reach out if there is anything I can do to help.

Blessings,
Laurel

More than anything this month, I am acutely aware of my need for God! This coronavirus and its significant impact is really BIG, but not bigger than He is. I’m comforted by His presence, and the knowledge that He has a plan and a purpose for a hope and a future for us, and that He promises to work ALL things together for our good.

I pray that we will cling to Him, trusting Him as our Lord and Savior, and as the anchor that holds us in the storm. I pray also that we will realize that nothing that’s being taken away from us--or that we have been able to hold onto-- holds any value or meaning if we do not have an assurance of our salvation and the eternal life that awaits us.

Do you know the peace, joy, contentment, and confidence that can be experienced even when life rages around us? Please reach out to me today if you are not yet able to say, “It is well with my soul.”
​
Matthew 11:28 New Living Translation (NLT) Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.]]>Sat, 28 Dec 2019 01:05:01 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/december-27th-2019It’s the holiday season! For the last month or more, we have been surrounded with celebratory music, lights, festivities, and food. However, not all is “merry and bright…”

A few weeks ago, I talked with someone who was struggling with a cough and sore throat, and another person commented, “’Tis the season!” We are accustomed to people getting sick here in Michigan when the temperature drops outside, the sun’s appearance becomes more rare, and people are frequently sequestered indoors.

After that, I was with someone who was bemoaning all the busyness of this holiday season, saying there was little time to pause to savor the things that make special memories, because there are so many obligations to fulfill, presents to purchase and wrap, events and parties to attend, and last-minute preparations for the holiday and end of the year.

While many people look forward to this season, the reality is that many more are struggling, including these in my personal acquaintance: A friend is grieving the loss of her mom this year, while another family has lost both grandpa and grandma in the last month. People are in the middle of cancer treatments. Others are dealing with on-going abuse. A mom and her young children are losing their home, after the dad was deported. A student talks daily about ending his life, as his challenges at home, school, and work feel like they will never be overcome. You likely know similar stories—perhaps your own—which closely resemble these.

My kids and I are temporarily providing a home for a child from another country. While we celebrate the excitement of all that is new for him (light switches, toilets, abundant food, a bed, school, medical care, toys, safety, etc.), we also grieve that this season of his life includes separation from loved ones, and special needs that cause an inability to understand his losses or communicate his needs.

As I reflect on all of this, I think we would do well to remember not, “’Tis the season,”
           but instead,
                    “’Tis ONLY a season.”  

For most, the Christmas rush is past. Soon, the New Year will begin, and 2019 will be behind us. The year ahead will have new opportunities for growth, change, improvement, new experiences and relationships, setting and meeting goals, and other answered prayers.

So, regardless of the season you find yourself in today, hang in there! Take it one day at a time. Hold onto hope. Choose joy! And know without a doubt, “’Tis ONLY a season!”

From this season, to the next, and through each one that follows, may you be blessed!

Laurel

As we celebrated Christmas this week, I was reflecting on the “season” that welcomed the baby Jesus. People were forced to travel from their homes (without air-conditioned SUV’s) to be counted by Caesar, with some unable to secure lodging when they arrived. Mary was in a season of an unplanned pregnancy as an unwed teen. Because of Herod’s jealousy, Jesus’ birth ushered in a season of infanticide throughout the area, with huge loss and mourning for countless families of male infants and toddlers. Jesus’ young family soon entered a season as refugees in Egypt while they waited to return to their home. While our nativity scenes paint the Christmas story with light, peace, and happiness, the reality is that the first Christmas season had multiple elements of darkness, fear, grief, and uncertainty.

In April, we will celebrate another season, as we anticipate the arrival of Easter. God’s beautiful plan includes light in place of darkness, joy that replaces mourning, faith which overcomes fear, forgiveness in place of condemnation. When we claim the baby Jesus as Christ, our risen Lord and Savior, we are assured that any challenging season we face here on earth, whatever it is, however long it lasts, is truly “ONLY a season.” Because of this, we can live each day experiencing joy alongside sadness, peace in the chaos, and hope even when we are unable to see when or how our current season will end. I call it, “God’s math.” I don’t understand it, but I’m incredibly grateful for it, as it has gotten me through every heartache, loss, fear, and uncertainty, and I know that He will be faithful through it all, each day that He gives me breath!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (New Living Translation--NLT)
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
Galatians 6:9 English Standard Version (ESV)9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Don't give up friends...'Tis only a season! God has a plan and a purpose for each one of us!
]]>Sun, 03 Feb 2019 19:49:44 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/my-fitbit-calls-me-friend
Earlier this week, I put on my Fitbit, and across the screen flashed the words, “Hi, Friend…” I smiled, reflecting not only on how good it feels to be called “Friend,” but also on the absurdity of that designation. In the interest of full disclosure, my Fitbit and I are connected only for what it can do for me. It shows me the time, and notifies me of incoming texts and phone calls. It is not successful in motivating me to get moving; my life keeps me busy enough that I walk on the days when I need to walk, and sit when I need to be sitting, and rarely look at the record of how many steps I have logged. I’m thankful my heart keeps beating through all of it, but do not check my heartrate on my handy wrist companion. In return, I regularly charge my Fitbit when it needs it, but I’m afraid that’s as far as our friendship goes.

I work, teach, and interact with dozens of people each week. Each seems very aware of how many “friends” he or she has…or their lack of friends. I met a young lady recently who receives up to three new “friend requests” on Facebook each week. She accepts them, not knowing who they are, simply because it feels so good to have “friends.” Many people are disappointed to start a new school or a new job, only to find that no one seems to want to be their “friend.” Parents often lament to me, “I just want my child to have friends!”

I have worked with several individuals who have found friendship and acceptance only after they have changed their gender identify, finding those groups to be more accepting than the typical high school or post- high social connections. Others turn to “feel-good” or “acceptance-worthy” measures such as over-spending, drinking, drugs, or gangs.

The reality is that there are countless people around us, in our homes, schools, workplaces, and communities, who are intensely lonely. They want to feel accepted, wanted, loved, affirmed, needed, and valuable. They long for someone to say, “Hi, Friend…”

Many years ago, I heard someone say, “Friendship is the mutual sharing of weaknesses.” As a society, I think we are losing our ability to share our weaknesses with each other. Everything, from education, to reality television shows, to social media, is focused on promoting our successes. Yet, even though we promote our successes, and sometimes receive recognition for them, I believe friendship is also the “mutual sharing of successes.” That, too, is challenging, in a society which seeks to “one-up” each other in a never-ending game of, “Can you top this?” Combined with the lack of face-to-face interaction promoted by this digital day and age, are we losing sight of the value of friendships, and how to seek out and sustain them? (You may be interested in this article: https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-importance-of-friendship/).

The advice I typically give people, and try to practice in my own life, is to simply “be a friend” rather than trying to count the number of people who are friendly toward us. Does someone need a smile, a word of encouragement, help with a practical task, a listening ear, a compliment, or a gift to brighten their day or lighten their load? Often, we are drawn to people who make us feel good. If we can focus on making other people feel good, we are likely to draw people to us, providing the type of space and connection from which friendships can blossom.
​
My challenge this week, to myself and to you, is to reach out to one person each day and say, “Hi, Friend!” Whether it’s a family member, neighbor, friend, co-worker, cashier, banker, mechanic, doctor, a former high school classmate, or someone we have been avoiding because of past hurts, I wonder how many lonely people would no longer be lonely if everyone took the time to do this each day?

Hi, Friend! Thanks for joining me for a few minutes. How many more friends can we bless this week?]]>Sun, 30 Dec 2018 23:12:46 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/what-are-you-waiting-forFor many people, this is the time of year for celebrations, overflowing with joy, peace, thankfulness, and hope for the future.

For others, any festivities are punctuated by loss, sadness, strife, or hopelessness. Gifts of joy, peace, thankfulness and hope seem almost unattainable. It can be hard to celebrate when you are waiting…waiting to feel better, waiting for relationships to be healed, waiting for the next paycheck, waiting for a judge to render a decision, waiting for permanent housing, waiting for a reason to celebrate…

This week, I was struck by the similarities between two familiar stories from long ago. First, from Genesis 18, Abraham and Sarah had waited almost a century to become parents. (Admittedly, when I have to wait for something for a few months or years, I feel like I have waited an eternity!) The other story is found in Job, where we read about a godly man with incredible wealth and good fortune, who had it all taken away in a short amount of time. By the end of the book, he is waiting, either for the dire situation to get even worse with one more piece of bad news, or for something positive to finally come his way.

What did these people do while they waited? They trusted God for who He is, claiming His promises, even though humanly speaking, they did not have reason to celebrate.

Check out the similarities between these two verses:
-       Genesis 18:14…After restating His promise that He will provide more descendants for Abraham than grains of sand on the seashore, God says, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”
-       Job 42:2…After God reminds Job of His amazing involvement in every detail of life on earth, Job responds, ”I know that You can do anything, and no one can stop you.”

Although they may not have been able to see it at the time, both Abraham and Job had reason to celebrate God’s incredible mercy, love, and provision. Soon after acknowledging that nothing is too hard for the Lord, Abraham and Sarah became parents to Isaac, born to them in their old age, and Job had his fortune restored to him; in fact, God gave him twice what he had before.

Regardless of our circumstances, we all have reason to celebrate, even though we may still be waiting for something. We do not have to wait to choose joy, peace, thankfulness and hope.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 (NLT)
​
Go ahead—what are you waiting for?
​]]>Tue, 25 Dec 2018 23:04:01 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/less-than-idealIf you are a long-time reader of Social Incites™, you may have noticed that I no longer send out articles every Monday. In fact, I have only sent a couple in the last year. When it comes to writing, I have had a year that has been “less than ideal.”

“Ideal,” as defined by Dictionary.com, is:
noun
1. a conception of something in its perfection.
2. a standard of perfection or excellence.
3. a person or thing conceived as embodying such a conception or conforming to such a standard, and taken as a model for imitation.
 
Do you have “ideals” that you strive to achieve? A conception of what it would be like to have a perfect appearance, job, health, home, marriage, child, friend, financial circumstances?

Are there areas of your life that are “less than ideal?” Have you had difficulty getting through your “to do list?” Maybe you even struggle to get out of bed some mornings? Have you wished you got more done, had more time, could be more intentional with how you spend your time? Do you mourn the loss of relationships or security?

There are so many whose year has been “less than ideal.” All around me, I see people struggling with illness, grief, job loss, abuse, difficulty paying bills, depression, loneliness, strained relationships, homelessness, etc. And typically, we are all too aware that the people around us are also “less than ideal,” as their lack of perfection leads to miscommunication, hurt feelings, and broken relationships.

Often, as much as we anticipate “ideal” holidays, the lack of perfection is especially real and raw this time of year. Busyness, dysfunctional relationships, lack of sleep, weight gain, loneliness, and difficulty paying bills all come together to cloud the lights, music, and festivities. While some people eagerly anticipate the holidays, others dread them.

Is there hope for our “less than ideal,” whatever that might be?

This time of year, I am reminded of the first Christmas, most of which was “less than ideal:”
-       A young, unmarried woman with an unexpected pregnancy
-       A long journey on donkey-back while nine months pregnant
-       A town full of “No room in the inn” signs
-       A birth in a stable, surrounded by loud, dirty animals
-       A rag-tag team of smelly shepherds and their sheep, gathered around a newborn baby
-       A king determined to kill all males under age 2
-       An emergency overnight race to Egypt, on foot, to escape the baby-killing soldiers

Wait…isn’t Christmas supposed to be beautiful, fun, comforting, enjoyable, and rewarding? If it isn’t for you, take heart. The “reason for the season,” Christ himself, knows all about “less than ideal.” His willingness to step into that centuries ago is cause enough for comfort, as it assures us that he also steps into our “less than ideal,” as our “Immanuel,” or “God with us…” in good times and bad, in success or failure, in whatever you are facing, He is there.
​
That’s reason enough to celebrate this Christmas season!
]]>Tue, 22 May 2018 14:00:39 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/certain-changeI recently had a young adult say to me, “Many people with autism do not like change. I have autism. I don’t like change!”
 
I can certainly relate to his comment, as can many of you. Having worked with people with autism for 24 years, I know that even the word “change” can instill significant anxiety in them, along with the chaos and unpredictability of changed schedules, relationships, circumstances, expectations, etc. Yet, I do not believe that apprehension or resistance to change is unique to people with autism. Many of us tend to be creatures of habit, more comfortable with routine and consistency, or “same,” than with “different.”
 
There is a famous quote, attributed to Benjamin Franklin, which says, “In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.” As I reflect on the concept of “change,” I believe it should be included in the list of things that are certain in this life. Most of us are aware of the possibility of death each day, but we do not experience it first-hand it until the end of our life (although we may experience death and its repercussions as loved ones pass away). And most people are not very aware of the concept of taxes until they reach 18 years of age.
 
Yet change is something we all experience on a daily basis from the moment we come into existence. Each person’s birth involves significant change from a warm, nurturing, dark environment, into the cold, sterile, bright birthing space, away from the constant heartbeat of our mother. From that moment on, we continue to experience a variety of changes as we grow and learn, experiencing both joys and sorrows, and successes and failures along the way.
 
I don’t write Social Incites™ articles every Monday like I did for many years. In fact, it has been almost six months since I last connected with each of you. Yet I think about you often! I am certain that you have experienced changes since I last wrote. You may have experienced changing seasons, improvement or deterioration in physical health or financial situation, changes in your children’s behaviors or abilities or circumstances, changes in relationships, changes in living situations, and even changes in how you view the world. Maybe, like me, you have made difficult decisions to end an abusive marriage. Maybe you have lost loved ones through death, a move, or miscommunications or other hurtful circumstances. Maybe you have moved, changed jobs, or taken on a new hobby. Maybe you have new children, new grandchildren, or a new spouse. Maybe you have taken on the responsibility of caring for someone who needs significant support or attention.
 
For all of us, change is likely as certain as death and taxes. Although some change is planned and maybe even eagerly anticipated, often, change is unexpected or dreaded.
 
Most often, we cannot control our circumstances, or whether or not we have to deal with change. But we do not have to be controlled by our circumstances or changes that are outside our control.
 
Stephen Hawking has said, “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” Mahatma Gahdhi said, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” We can make daily choices to change ourselves in positive ways. We can choose joy, choose relationships over being right or getting our own way, choose to love and serve others, choose to overlook offenses, choose to assume the best in others. We can choose to communicate, save money, and use our time wisely. We can choose to work hard and to clean up after ourselves. We can choose to control our emotions, tell the truth, use good manners, and treat others with respect.
 
We may not like change, choose change, or be comfortable with change. But change is inevitable, and choosing to respond to change positively, even when it is unexpected or undesired, can make a significant difference in how we feel about—and respond to-- ourselves, other people, and our circumstances. These daily choices make it easier to navigate each change successfully as it comes.
 
OTHER INSIGHTSt…
Although change is inevitable, I am so thankful that there is one thing that never changes. I could never navigate change successfully—especially traumatic, painful change—without the constant love and presence of my never-changing God and Father. James 1:17 says,…Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

With HIS help, I can make the difficult choices that need to be made as I interact with the changing world, people, and circumstances that affect me.

• “…Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes” (Ephesians 4:23)
• “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Romans 12:2)

I hope you have this same assurance! Please feel free to email me if you would like to know more, to share some of God’s story in your life, or to share prayer requests.

]]>Tue, 02 Jan 2018 14:03:44 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/the-nativityIsn’t it beautiful? A pristine nativity, with intricately sculpted figurines clustered around a perfect baby boy. On this silent night, Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, the wisemen, the angelic chorus, the softly lowing cattle, and even the snow-white sheep gaze in holy wonder at the promised Messiah.

We join them in giving thanks for this priceless gift, and in response to that (and possibly also to the mania at the mall), give gifts to our loved ones in return. And we celebrate Christmas…

Yet in the flurry of trees, lights, ornaments, Christmas carols, shopping bags, delicious but calorie-laden holiday treats, Advent candles, and the “countdown to Christmas” that seems to speed up every year, we may gaze at the Nativity in another kind of wonder, questioning how this idyllic scene fits in the midst of personal pain, loss, grief, and the darkness, evil, and despair that exist in the world around us, and sometimes, admittedly, even in our own hearts.

Is there room for both? Can beauty, gratitude, hope, and joy co-exist with intense loss, fear, anger, and serious questions about the meaning and purpose of it all?

Let’s look again…Who are these figures clustered around the newborn Son of God?

There’s Mary, a teenage girl, promised to be married to carpenter Joseph. In a beautiful encounter with a heavenly messenger, Mary had been told she would bear a son who would fulfill promises given to her people centuries before.

Her response? She was “confused and disturbed…”

                                 Yet she praised God and stepped out in joyful obedience.
                                                    We’re told she “pondered all these things in her heart…”

​As she sat beside that manger bed, what was she pondering? If she was like us, and I suspect she was, she was likely wondering how the Promised One could possibly co-exist alongside the following:

• A 400-year silence while God’s people wondered whether the One who created the universe and held all things in His hand still saw, heard, cared, planned, and provided.
• Shame and condemnation for a mother who was pregnant out of wedlock, a declared sin punishable by public death by stoning. What had people said to her when they saw her bulging belly? What tapes were playing in her head as she remembered the months leading up to this moment? How many of them seemed to “fit” with the singing telegram that had been delivered straight from Heaven just a short time before?
• A Jewish world under Roman rule and oppression, leading to a 97-mile journey to sign up to pay taxes, on the back of a donkey, while nine months pregnant, accompanied by a fiancé who neglected to make hotel reservations, and ending with the echoing phrase, “No room at the inn…” Was Joseph the only Father who forgot to reserve a room for this long-awaited occasion of the birth of a king?
• A barn with allergy-inducing hay, nostril-offending manure, eardrum-splitting moos, neighs, baas, clucks, cock-a-doodle-doos, and newborn baby screams…a far cry from the beautiful, clean, quiet, perfect Nativity sitting on a shelf in the comfort of our living room.
• Her first visitors, a rag-tag team of socially outcast shepherds who have just experienced the most terrifying night of their lives. Like the stable around them, they have not cleaned up their clothing, hair, sandals, or likely their language, as they stomp into the presence of the newborn baby king. Oh, and have you ever actually seen a snow-white sheep? No hand-sanitizer was passed around as the baby’s first company gathered noisily around the animal feeding trough that housed the infant wrapped in rags, loudly talking over each other as they shared news of the company of angels that had filled the dark sky while they were out fending off lions and bandits, tending their flocks that night.
• The “wise guys with gifts…” Their journey to follow a star whose importance no one else seemed to grasp might have brought them to Mary’s home months or years after Jesus’ birth. The treasure chests they left at her feet would now need to be packed for another uncomfortable donkey ride, this time fleeing in the middle of the night to start a journey hundreds of miles long, taking her and her little family to a foreign land with unfamiliar people, customs, food, and language. Did she ponder why God would send His long-awaited son only to have his life threatened by the king of Israel? Did she know that her extraordinary sacrifice to protect this promised child would only keep him on this planet for a few decades?

As Mary sat with such thoughts racing dizzily through her head, her reality was likely a far cry from the “Silent Night, Holy Night” we sing about each year with violin and harp accompaniment. No doubt that first night, and maybe countless nights that followed, were sleepless nights with tossing, turning, pacing, and crying out to God to explain how a holy infant, angelic messengers, and finally-fulfilled promises could make sense alongside the darkness, fear, shame, and stench of her current reality.

We can make sense of these inconsistencies only by unwrapping the other gifts we have been given. The baby in the manger was the first present to break into the questions of whether God sees, hears, cares, and provides, but it was not the last. We have been given the rest of the Story. That baby, sent on a starry night in Bethlehem, was not destined to stay in a manger on the shelf. His journey to Egypt, his life and ministry throughout the Promised Land, his gruesome death on a gnarly, crude cross, his earth-shattering silence in the cold, hard grave, his glorious resurrection celebrated by more hosts of Heavenly messengers, and his cloud-lifting ascension to our Father in Heaven has made possible the gifts that cannot be purchased or wrapped, but only graciously and thankfully accepted:

• He has restored our right relationship with the Father, and promised to be our faithful, Good Shepherd
• He has made possible our conversion from dirty, sin-filled sheep to snow-white lambs continually residing within His loving care and provision
• He is “with us always, even to the end of the age,” and through the gift/presence of the Spirit, we are “not left as orphans…”

What are you pondering this Christmas season? It is possible for the ugliness of our daily lives to co-exist alongside the beauty of the Nativity? I believe it is, as evidenced in the One who is fully God and fully human.

• Pain? He felt it.
• Loneliness? He experienced it.
• Grief? He endured it.
• Anger? He expressed it.
• Rejection? He bore it in silence.
• Death? He overcame it.
• Relationship with the Father? He modeled it and made it possible for us.
• Joy? He restores it.
• Gratitude? He inspires it.
• Hope? He gives it freely.
• A future? He guarantees it.

That beautiful baby in the manger stepped through a not-so-beautiful reality, so that those of us who are grieving the darkness around us, can step into His light, experience His promises, and look forward with eager anticipation to the day when He will make “all things new…” For “now we see though a glass darkly, but then, we shall see face to face!” Beauty will be restored, questions will be answered, evil will be thwarted, and those of us who believe and embrace His promises will all be gathered into the eternal beauty of the nativity as God intended to be.

He still sees, hears, cares, plans, and provides…We can celebrate that this Christmas, regardless of whether our physical surroundings-or the inside of our heart and mind-more closely resemble an inn or a stable. God is good, all the time! What gifts will we give Him in return? Will we respond in joy-filled obedience, as Mary did? Will we give Him our brokenness, trusting Him to sculpt us into figures that more closely resemble His perfection each day? Will we share His gifts with those around us, knowing that what we store up in Heaven is worth far more than anything we can put on a credit card?

“Joy to the World, the Lord is Come!”

The Nativity reminds us that with joyful obedience, we, too, can keep the Savior at the center of our hearts, lives, and homes. In Him, we can experience the reality that even dirt, smells, noise, and difficult emotions can co-exist with the promises given and fulfilled by our loving Heavenly Father.  His presence this season is the gift which keeps on giving, from now through all eternity!

Lamentations 3:20-23 New Living Translation (NLT) “I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.”
© 2017 Laurel A Falvo
]]>Sun, 11 Dec 2016 22:07:13 GMThttp://socialincites.com/blog/frogs-on-a-logOnce there were twelve frogs sunning themselves on a log.
 
                      Five decided to jump off.
 
                                            How many were left?
 
If you said seven, congratulations—you are excellent at basic math! However, that answer is not correct. You see, deciding to do something often does not make it happen. For all we know, those five frogs might still be sitting on the log…
 
How often have you had good intentions, maybe even decided to do something, but it still hasn’t gotten done? Are you still waiting to:

• Read a particular book
• Go back to school
• Spend quality time with your child, spouse, or other family member
• Take a vacation
• Re-connect with an old friend (or reach out to a new friend)
• Make amends for something you have done that hurt someone
• Get back to church or another place of worship
• Try a new hobby
• Learn a new skill
• Save for retirement
• Lose a few pounds
• Write a note to your child’s teacher or someone else who could use a word of encouragement
• Give a donation to a worthy cause

The number of hours in a day is limited to 24. That’s the same for all of us, every day. What we do with those hours helps to determine whether we make waves, or continue to sit on the sidelines.
 
I’ll close with a humorous reflection on the need to do more than just “deciding” to do something:

“Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold…but so does a hard-boiled egg!”
 
As we close out the year 2016, I challenge each of you to decide to do something worthwhile…then jump in head-first, out of your comfort zone, into the great adventure of possibility!

Copyright 2011-2016

Check out James 4:17 to see what it has to say about this!

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